How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution

Have you ever made a resolution, perhaps to eat better, and the next thing you know you’re 5 fists deep in a bag of cookies made of ingredients you can hardly pronounce? I know I can’t be the only one. 

What people love to do is wait for all of their shortcomings to miraculously improve on the start of the new year. “Now that my muffin top is thicker than my skull, I’ll start to eat right, exercise 5 times a week, stop drinking alcohol and caffeine, and take vitamins once the new year begins…” and so forth. This is the equivalent of signing up for a marathon, and preparing by watching the Olympics on television, while petting one of 5 cats and eating ranch Doritos. 

I’ve made a few crazy resolutions that I’ve managed to uphold, but more often than not, those resolutions are not sustainable. It’s great to want to be healthier or improve your being in one way or another, but to make it last, it’s helpful to have a SMART goal. 

Specific -Clear concise goal

Measurable -The ability to track your progress 

Attainable – Set challenging yet achievable goals 

Relevant – Goals relevant to your life plan 

Time based – Goal has a target finish time attached

My plan for the new year is to get off of my medication. For those who don’t know, I take medication for depression and anxiety, and have for years. I’m ready to use other modes of coping and healing, but I’m not about to go cold turkey and cross my fingers. I’m not petting animals and eating chips to prepare. I’m setting smart goals and working my way towards that goal. 

I will begin by creating better gut health. It has been scientifically proven that your gut health is directly correlated with your brain health. I have smart goals set, so that in a few weeks time, my gut health will improve and I can begin to decrease my dosage. After that, I will experiment with essential oils, and other ways to calm my body and mind as I continue to decrease. 

A New Year resolution is not a sprint. It’s a marathon, and you can cross the finish line with a smart goal and a smile. What’s yours? 

The Rush Of The Butterfly

Have you ever looked at a Catapillar and thought “What the hell is taking you so long you maggot looking blob with legs? Why aren’t you flying?” I don’t think so. You understand there will be a transformation, and time needs to take place. Yet, oh so often we have these unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. We demand and assume things from us and people we know that make as much logical sense as a cocoon hatching a unicorn. 

I’m so guilty of being dat bitch who is like “Law of attraction blah blah blah I can get whatever whenever if I try hard enough.” Before any fellow spiritual folks get riled up, I believe in the law of attraction and our ability to attract what we want based off of what we think and feel. However, it also can be detrimental because we don’t see the bigger picture. There is a larger party at work, and maybe a longer transformation needs to ensue to create that reality. Expecting it in a certain way and time frame can hold us in an unwanted pattern too.

I’m not writing this to be all high and mighty like I know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m that girl yelling at a freaking caterpillar that doesn’t even understand me. Deep down though, I know I need to stop trying to control this crazy simulation called life, and let the caterpillar enjoy its time on land. 

From Ogre to Goddess

I made an oopsie. I was browsing through my pictures just a moment ago, and I came across an old “progress” photo of myself. What happened next was not an excellent choice to say the least. I clicked on that photo to take a closer look, knowing very well it would end up with me feeling as though I was that chick in the movie Shriek, when she went from a beautiful feminine looking goddess, to a large mucus green ogre.

“How was that only two years ago?! I was lookin’ so fine, and now I have enough rolls on me to feed a mormon family! Wtf happened!?” I thought to myself as I meticulously examined the photograph.

Once the initial after shock settled in, I took a moment to remember that time of my life. Even then, I wasn’t thin enough, or fit enough, to be content. In fact, the only time I ever had been happy with my body was the week prior to going into an eating disorder treatment center, and was depressed then because I knew I’d never be able to be that thin again after I left rehab.

Essentially, I’ve lived almost my entire life not being truly satisfied with my appearance. Yet, looking back, I wish I was that miserable person in the photograph. Unless we learn self love and acceptance exactly how we are and where we are, these negative thoughts and opinions will be perpetual. We will always be chasing an unrealistic ideal of ourselves and our lives because thinking we’re not good enough in any way now, will only lead to more of those thoughts in the future.

It is my ultimate goal to love myself unconditionally like the goddess I am. Regardless of what I do, say, act like, look like, what I’m doing, where I am, I will learn to love every aspect of who I am because deep down, I know I’m worthy of it all, and so are you.

 

Dear Dream Man

I’ve been attracting the “unavailable man”. Whether it be due to distance or not having a plan.

When they are unavailable it makes me feel safe. I feel less likely I can get hurt in that case.

It’s time for me to leave old stories in the past. Here’s a letter to my future man who will be such a blast. 

“Thank you for being such an incredible guy. Thank you for always kissing me when I say bye.

Thank you for not needing me to be or act a certain way. My existence is enough for you to enjoy every day.

Thank you for such unconditional love. Thank you for reaching things in shelves high above.

Thank for for knowing the right things to say. I’m happy you tell me you love me every day.

Thank you for being so thoughtful and kind. I’m glad you’re so attracted to me and my mind. (All those squats are totally worth it)

Thank you for making me laugh so much. Thank you for making me feel good every time we touch.

Thank you for consistently doing the right thing. Thank you for all of the happiness that you bring.

You’ve made my life oh so sweet. I look forward to the moment we actually meet. 

P.S. I like your face. “

Don’t Break Through Your Barriers

Have you ever felt like you’re not tapping into your intuition or your true potential? Like angels are trying to show you the way, but you’re like “Bye Felicia! I’m too busy trying to make shit happen the hard way to hear you out this time.”

Well, I’ve certainly felt that way. 

Sometimes I feel as though I’m trapped in a plexiglass dome, and I’m trying to get out with a toothpick. It’s as if this invisible wall of resistance is the only obstacle that stands between me and everything that I want.

Yet maybe its making peace with that wall that will bring me what I want. Maybe that wall is meant to be there. Maybe there is a door that has yet to be discovered, only to be found once I find peace with it. Maybe, just maybe, that wall is an illusion and the more I wake up, the thinner it will get.

I can write about theories for eons, but at the end of the day, the more we try to break through the wall, rather than understand and accept why in was constructed in the first place, the less our problems will find solutions. 

Our walls were built to protect us at some point in our lives, but now mine is more dated than my grandparents wallpaper. My mission is to continue to make strides each day to free myself from any limitations or limiting beliefs that hinder my peace. This wall is not to be broken. This wall is to be accepted and understood so that we learn how to be free.  

What Would Someone Who Loves Themselves Do?

What would someone who loves themselves do? Hustle back to work as though they’re Cruella de Vil’s little bitch because they fear of a coworker thinking less of them? That doesn’t sound like love. 

Would they have more disappointment in themselves than most citizens have about the current state of our nation because they’re not some enlightened millionaire yet? That doesn’t sound like love. 

Eat a half carton of vegan cherry chocolate chip ice cream, followed by peanut butter pretzels from Trader Joe’s, and a cookie for dinner? I don’t know, I’m still trying to justify that one.  Probably not though if I’m being honest with myself. 

If we truly questioned if our actions are out of love, we’d find more often than we’d like to admit, they’re not. Before you act, ask… What would someone who loves themselves do?

I almost ended this post with that last paragraph, but then fear rose up like bubbles in a glass of champagne in the hands of a recovering alcoholic. I feared it would not be long enough. I worried someone would take the time to read my work and find it a waste of their time. That’s not love.

Someone who loves themselves would express themselves without fear of judgment or ridicule. Someone who loves themselves knows they are good enough and worthy regardless of the opinion of others. They would be happy that they authentically and creatively put something out into the world to potentially help someone else. That’s what someone who loves themselves would do. So here is my work. Unapologetically, authentically, creatively, lovingly me.